Part One- A scammers love story- Eric meets Agnes

You know those annoying emails from internet scammers that tell you you have either: won millions in the lottery (the one you never entered), inherited millions from a long lost relative (whom you don't even know), or that you have a package from FedEx to claim (one you weren't even expecting) , and that all three always seem to be from the economically, politically and socially stable nation of Nigeria? It's funny, I have millions promised to me but it never comes... Weeeiiiiiiiiirrrrrrdddddd........

Then I met Eric, a lovely man who is the Managing Director of the FedEx Nigeria and he has a "package" for me and he was emailing me to find out how to get it to me. Below is the start of our affair, and the beginning of a very fruitful re-scamming effort by the fictional Agnes Collins. This can also be a guide on how to scam them too if you have the time (if you can't be bothered, you could just forward them all your spam mail).

(4th April, 2011)

FedEx Nigeria Head Office 
70 International Airport Road 
Mafoluku, Lagos. 

CLAIM NOTIFICATION

This is to acknowledge the receipt of your email letter in this office
regarding your parcel that we informed you that is going to be delivered to
your residential address as soon as you send the remaining balance that
your sender supposed to pay before we missed contact with him, so please be
informed that you have to send the money immediately with the below giving
information to enable us proceed to deliver your parcel to your resident,
make sure that the address which you are sending to us is correct to avoid
wrong delivery as you know how valuable this ATM CARD is because of that we
don't want to make any wrongful delivery because we cannot bear the
consequences that may occur if such thing happens. 

PAYMENT INFORMATION:-

RECEIVERS NAME: ERIC JOHNSON
DESTINATION: LAGOS-NIGERIA
TEXT QUESTION: WHAT IS GOOD 
TEXT ANSWER: IS GOOD
AMOUNT TO BE PAID: $150 usd only
MTCN NUMBER: ……………

We look forward to receive the above information as soon as you make the
payment for easy collection here, note that we are going to give you a
tracking number as soon as we move with your parcel so that you will know
the delivery status of the card for you to be at home to receive it, do not
hesitate to act as we instructed you because we have helped many people to
receive theirs, so we advice that you should act accordingly to enable us
deliver this card to you within three banking days as we explained in our
previous email. 

Please note that after you might have paid the balance of $150 there will
be no more payment and your parcel will be delivered to you within three
banking days, so we advice that you should send the money immediately to
enable us proceed for the delivery.

Regards
Mr. Eric Johnson

FEDEX COURIER MANAGING 
DIRECTOR..

A clearly copy/pasted email did leave me feeling cheap but love is blind. I felt the need to test some limits of his desperation, so I replied the below email:

(4th April, 2011)

Hi Eric,

Thank god you've gotten back to me! I was worried about my parcel.

I will put the money in but I only have $148 USD. What should I do?

Please respond quickly!


Eric Johnson got formal real quick in response to my first love note... but the bastard up'd the costs for me to get my package. Not cool Eric, not cool...


(5/4/11)

FedEx Nigeria International Courier Services

Head Office ,70 International Airport Rd., 
Mafoluku, Lagos. 

5th April,2011

Attention Honourable Customer

                                                     Re: Claim Notification

Thanks for your mail and all the contents were well understood.First and formost all we needed from you is your residential address where the parcel will be deliver.

 You said you have $148.00 that is good but you have to go out of your way to rais the remaining balance before the deadline date in over to avoid demurrage that will attaract extra payment. Meanwhile, I will use my good office as the Managing Director to assist you by sending $200  today unfailing and i will make it up for you but you will give me 20% as soon as you claim your consignment.

Please  reconfirm the payment information as below:

RECEIVERS NAME: ERIC JOHNSON
DESTINATION: LAGOS-NIGERIA
TEXT QUESTION:  WHAT IS GOOD 
TEXT ANSWER: IS GOOD
AMOUNT TO BE PAID: $200 only
MTCN NUMBER: ……………

 Please note that after you might have paid the balance of $200 there will be no more payment and your parcel will be delivered to you within three

banking days, so we advice that you should send the money immediately to enable us proceed with the  delivery.

Thanks in anticipation, while expecting the payment confirmation before the end of today in your country.

Regards
Mr.Eric Johnson

FEDEX COURIER MANAGING

DIRECTOR..

Did Eric just infer that he would lend me $200, that he was going to front Agnes the money to get her beloved package? Can someone say "Chocolate white knight"? Nigerian scammers english is confusing- does Eric even know what he wrote... Wait- what's in my package???

(5/4/11)

Hi Eric,

You reply so fast! Thankyou!!

Did i understand your last email correctly? You said your were going to give me $200 USD in exchange for 20% of my parcel? That would be perfect because i was only able to raise $159 USD myself.

Let me know what i need to do to get this parcel- did you say you need my address? Do you know what's in my parcel? I'm excited to get it soon!!

Thanks again, you're a god!

Check Part 2