Part Four- A scammers love story- Ewik and Agnes

So Agnes just sent Ewik $2.50 not $250 US dollars as was supposedly expected to release the "million dollar package"... Now necessarily I don't condone sending money to scammers as so many people do really get scammed but it was for a good cause... I really did want to see what Ewiks next move would be when he received 1% of the money he was expecting... Just imagine- he got my email with the MTCN number on it, expecting $250 US dollars (even though I put on my last email $2.50) and then he only got the tiniest portion of it... His face would be priceless- like the ultimate hidden camera prank of all time... No need to feel bad cos $2.50 is like 390 Nigerian Naira. I just checked, the average income of a Nigerian citizen is $36 US dollars a month... So $2.50 is like two days worth of wages... He got that for free... Can you imagine how pissed he would be if he found out that it cost me $27 Australian dollars in Western Union charges to send that $2.50... ha ha... Totally worth it...

His baffled response once the cash (or coins??) were collected...

(8/4/11)


Attn: Agnes collins,
 
How are you today? I received the MTCN no but there is a  miss up somewhere of which i did not understand. The information you send  concerning the delivery charges is not  correct. The amount you sent is $2.50 instead of $250.00 Please i would like you to make the correctionand ammedment immediately by sending the exact amount of  $250.00(Two Hundred and Fifty Dollars) before the end of today in country Australia.
 
Please i want you to comply to this instruction so that your parcel will not incur more charges because the deadline date has expired, i will still use my good office to ensure the parcel is deliver to you unfailing upon receipt of the complete and correct delivery charges.
For your confirmation of the exact amount i will refer you to your mail date 6th April,2011 you sent to me after our brief phone conversation. Listen this is not a  child's play, avoid all those expensive joke, but i tag it as error and omission.
 
Thanks for your understanding and cooperation.
 
Yours truly,
Eric Johnson.


You can picture it really good now right!!... His face... So swiftly changing from joy to confusion... Perfect... So I decided to get a little more ridiculous...


(8/4/11)


Hey Eriiiiinnnnnnn,

Oh no, sorry about the mix up... to be honest I was still a little wasted this morning from hitting the clubs last night... A few to many G&Ts and jeffreys (if you know what I mean... wink wink) I see myself as somewhat of a cougar... Those young men in their sixties really get me moving like my arthritis never happened! Loves it...

So I don't have internet at the moment so can't transfer you money until Monday- Western unions here are not open on the weekend... Do your good office skillz handle this delay??

So, your wedding- looked very fancy. Were you wearing fo-sachi?? Have you seen Next Friday? Or any of the "Friday" trilogy?? But I digress, do you have kids or pets? Have you seen a black mumba before?

OK, thats enough questions for you... I will be sleeping now.

Sorry about the delay and intentional mistake... hopefully being Managing Director of FedEx Nigeria, you can pull some ropes for me...

Love you long time, Agnes. 


The amount of ridiculousness in this email is retarded- It's all gold... I am especially proud of the hint of my "intentional mistake" and street references throughout... I feel I now have full scammer street cred... I also like the fact that I mentioned I didn't have internet and yet I was emailing him... (my mum responded to this fact by saying- well maybe you were using someone else's internet... beside the point mum... really- beside the point).


Ewik was calling all afternoon and night after hitting up the Western Union for some shrapnel... 10 times in fact... I dodged them all... Desperation is not something any girl wants to her in her lovers voice... I had to allow him to still have some dignity... In reality I have decided that I want to record all future phone calls, and at this time I did not have a way to do this- thus all communication needed to be in writing.


(9/4/11)


Erin,

Have you been calling? Its been night time. I've been watching reruns of mcguyver and top chef but my phone was in the other room so i didn't hear it...

hope you're well!

Agnes


Finally... He responds in writing-


(9/4/11)


Hi Agnes,

Thanks for your mails, ok i wait till monday. I was ringing your phone but all effort to talk to you proof abortive.  If i invite you to Nigria will you like to come to visit me  and my family as nigeria is a centre for tourism attraction.  You will enjoy it and like it. 

And do have a wondful weekend and enjoy yourself.

Love from,
Eric 


Thats all I get??? I guess my lover is much more patient man than me... I spent the weekend off from scamming... Thinking about what my next move would be... Initially I was just aiming to get a photo from Ewik and I had accomplised that almost too quickly... But I was keen on flexing my scamming muscles in the new week... Then it came to me... A spanner needed to be thrown in the works to see just how morally screwed up Ewik and Nigerian internet scammers, in general, are... 


For my plan to be set in place, it meant holding off from replying to Ewik for a while, an eyre of mystery, nay- withdrawal and disinterest by Agnes...


It was working- Ewik contacted me first after the weekend- On a Tuesday... 


(12/4/11)


Attn: Agnes,

How was your weekend, i do hope you enjoy it, no doubt, i strongly believe it was wonderful. Any way, am still waiting for the payment of the $250.00 dollars today. Please try your best and ensure that the payment is made today so that your  parcel will not incure extra cost.

 Do not fail as delay is very dangerous ok?

 Waiting for the payment confirmation before the end of  today in your country.

Best regards,
Erick Johnson

NB: I was calling you last  friday, but all effort to speak to proof abortive.



The above arrived in the morning... Then this next one arrived in the arvo...


(12/4/11)

Dear Agnes Collins,
 
Today Tuesday 12th April 2011 is a 'SPECIAL DAY' and it is a day of success but the only (BAD NEWS) is With respect to the foregoing business matter regarding the delivery of your parcel, It is my interest and honor to inform you that the Fedex Board of Administrators has raised a motion for the cancellation and confiscation of your parcel order following your refusal or DELAY to comply with the requested fee of $250 dollars to cover the "DELIVERY FEE" charged by office of the logistic and delivery Department.

However Your last email dated Friday 8th, April 2011 clearly confirm that you will be sending the $250 dollars on Monday 11th April 2011  which was yesterday  Now, tell me frankly if you have secured the $250.00 dollars as you have promised. At the recently-concluded meeting we had with some dignitaries from the Office of the Fedex and Administrative Board  this morning, it was agreed upon that your parcel delivery processing should be suspended automatically should you fail to send the $250.00 dollars today, Tue 12th April 2011.

Please take note however that if we do not receive any response from you to this effect, we will assume that you have accepted the motion for the cancellation and confiscation of your payment order and we will act accordingly to cancel all delivery  arrangement of your parcel already made.

The "CERTIFIED CLEAN REPORT ON PARCEL" certifying the true source and origin of the PARCEL as a legitimate has been duly processed and will be sent to you upon our confirmation of payment for the $250 dollars. The $250.00 dollars must be sent via Western Union with the understated details:
 
RECEIVER'S NAME: MR IMOUKHUEDE HENRY
DESTINATION: LAGOS, NIGERIA
AMOUNT: 250.00 USD

However I hope my explanations above will meet with your utmost understanding. Please reply back asap and send the Western Union Slip for the $250 dollars to enable FEDEX COURIER to complete your programmed pending parcel. 

Yours Sincerely,
Eric Johnson
Director, Fedex


The little bastard tried to strong arm me... throwing in words like "dignitaries" and "Board of Administrators" to get me to pay sooner... Really- is this the way to treat your 80 something sugar mumma??? I don't think so... 


Insert- spanner into works...


Oh and a new name...


(12/4/11)


Hello, Evan is it??

I am Joan Collins, Agnes daughter, and I am terribly sorry to inform you that my mother had passed away. She died on Saturday night during one of her token soirees, this one was particularly enjoyable with the theme being "Swingers, S & M and Heavy Bondage". She was quite the ol' minx.

I heard her speaking of you very much in her last few days, and she had mentioned your invitation for her to come to Nigeria and that she also wanted you to visit her here in Australia. She was very fond of you Evan, and even though she did not know you for too long, she was touched by your kindness in helping her get her million dollar package- she was very excited about this money.

Evan I want to let you know that mummy Agnes left you an inheritance and you should know that she was a wealthy woman, although she didn't like people knowing it. Part of the inheritance includes the package you are to send here but for you to claim the other monies we will need to be able to contact you to discuss this- Do you have a number we are able to call you on?? Agnes mentioned that you called her often so if you can give us that number, we can organise money. 

Now what is this business abot $250.00?? I was under the impression Mum sent this to you on Friday- she mentioned she went past Western Union of her way back from a night popping E's at the day clubs. Please let me know the status of this.

Love Agnes daughter,

Joan Collins 

PS can you be my new father now?


Part 5 next... How does Evan respond to the info???