Re-Scamming Reverend Style- Part One

Somehow internet scammers have my email address... I don't really understand how this happened, I'm assuming that I ticked some box on some random site that sent out my email to the fucking universe and now every scammer and spammer in the world emails me... Luckily I'm turning lemons into lemonade and stringing so many arseholes along for the ride...

This next piece comes from a Reverend. Reverend Jonathan P. Daniels to be precise and he my messenger from Mr. Mathew P. Allen- the man whom died and whose will rose to leave me an inheritance... Yee haw... lucky me... Lets see where this one takes us...

(14/4/11)


This is Rev. Jonathan P. Daniels, the spiritual counselor to late Mr. Mathew P. 
Allen. Late Mathew P. Allen made you a  beneficiary in his Last Will and it 
obviously stated in his Will. This may sound strange but it is only the truth 
and I do not want anything from you in return. Please, reply now and I will 
give you more details. Remain blessed.


(fbrviat@virgilio.it)


What a gem Rev. JPD is, being so kind to get in touch with me about my inheritance... Oh and no- it's not strange at all that some random guy I don't even know left me some shit after he died... So pleased that for once a scammer wants nothing in return... 


Oh note that I have not begun putting scammers email address' in... Just in case anyone else wants to shoot the Rev an email asking if someone left them an inheritance too- I'm sure it wouldn't be annoying at all for him, he has lots of patience and has to turn the other cheek before cracking the shits... or something like that... Oh and this email came from Italy- when did they get so shady? Did the indicted prime minister corrupt an entire nation?? Maybe someone just cancelled their siestas and theyre piiiiiiissed...


(15/4/11)


What up Rev. Jonathan P. Daniels,

It doesn't sound strange at all that Mathew P. Allen left me in his will. 

Here is my reply- please, send me more details... Do I get money? A castle? A pony?

Hurry back,

Courtney Love


Now yes, Courtney Love seems befitting for this re-scam, a reverend- representative of God and a whore... A coke doing, nivarna killing, whore.. I feel a repentance and rebirth coming on at the hands of Rev. Jon.


(15/4/11)


Dear Brother Zoe Pelbart,
 
I'm glad to hear from you. This may indeed sound unbelievable but it is only the truth and nothing but the truth. Your contact information was given to me by Brother Mathew as stated in his Last Will before he passed on.
 
This letter is to make it known to you that late Mr. Mathew P. Allen whom I was his counselor before his death made you a beneficiary in his WILL. He left the sum of Nine Hundred and Fifty Thousand Pounds in your name (Zoe Pelbart) and it is clearly stated on the Last Will and Testament.
Being a widely traveled man, he must have been in contact with you in the past or simply you were recommended to him by one of his numerous friends abroad who wished you good. Late Mr. Mathew P.  Allen was a British, from West Ham, London until his death was a big business Man in Dubai and member of Institute of Electronic & Electrical Engineers. He was also a Contractor and involved in an oil business. He was a very dedicated Christian who loved to be involved in charitable projects. His great philanthropy earned him numerous awards during his life time. He assisted a lot of individuals, several helpless families and motherless homes.
 
According to him, this money is willed to you personally as led by his good spirit and it is indicated in his Last Will. This is only the truth and nothing but the truth and believe this is God's blessing to you. Things sometimes happen in mysterious ways because we are mere humans we find it difficult to understand.
I have been to the bank where he deposited the funds and I have discussed with the bank Manager who is the foreign money transfer officer in Standard Chartered bank, London where Mr. Mathew P.  Allen had an account, to remit the Nine hundred and fifty thousand Pounds left in the account to you. Please, email him with the below email address which is his private email address and he will gratefully assist you.
Already, he has been told that you will be contacting him soon, so I am sure he is expecting to hear from you in this regard.
 
Name of the banker: Mr. Oxford McMorris
His private email address: oxfordmcmorris3@gmail.com
Telephone: +447031809997, +447031849599
I am a dedicated child of God, a priest and I cannot bring myself so low by lying over serious issue like this one because I have absolutely nothing to benefit from it. This is legal and not a scam and will never be a scam. Please, contact the banker by using the above email address and he will assist you in getting these funds which rightfully belongs to you with all the legitimate documents which proves you the beneficiary of the funds.
 
My Church Identity is attached.
God bless you.
 
Rev. Jonathan P. Daniels

Jesus Christ Rev. JPD- I'm a sister not a brother... But I bet you wish I was a brother... eh eh... Sicko... And my name isn't Zoe Pelbart... Fuck... Why isn't this guy as stupid as Eric/Erin/Ewik/Evan/Dad and read the name that I give to him in my emails as opposed to the one from my email address... Shit...


New plan- a double scam (if in fact Rev. JPD and Mr. Oxford McMorris (great name by the way boys, no really- totally believable) are two separate entities). I shall continue to converse with both parties: Rev. JPD for advice on how to change my (Courtney Loves) wicked ways and to Mr. dictionary for my inheritance information. How cute is the old nugget though... I didn't even have to ask for his ID photo- looking good for an 80 year old... Courtney likey what she sees...


(16/4/11) Courtney to the Rev.


Hey Rev.

Whats going on in the Holy land- are you in the Vatican? Have you been in the room covered in gold? Do you and the other Reverends scrape some of the shit off to add to your grills? I can only imagine...

Thank you for your email, you being a Reverend makes me totally believe that you are honest and trustworthy so I know that my inheritance is real... Now if you were a Priest that would be a different story...

I will definitely email Mr Oxford McMorris about my inheritance but firstly I would like some guidance from you with regards to my life. I am feeling a little wayward of late Rev. and am not sure what to do... I'm not a regualr church goer so I think it was a stroke of fate that you emailed me... 

Below is me... You may think I look a little startled and unkept but I'm actually pretty happy with this look, kind of shabby chic- can you believe it takes me 30minutes in the morning to get this look perfect?? I blame the Olsen twins, they really set the standard for look... they make it look so easy! *shakes fist*... 

So what I feel I need help with is how to be less ridiculous- firstly I named my child Frances- Bean case and point of how much of a ridiculous name it is by the fact that she doesn't talk to me anymore... and secondly- I got flowers tattooed all over my body but really they just look like burns from a massive bender... How can I be less of an embarrassment? How many hail Marys must I say?? Any advice you can give Rev. JPD would be most appreciated.

Thanks in advance and God- is it God you believe in?? i think so... God bless... 

Courtney Love...

PS- Mr Oxford McMorris- Is he related to the dictionary?






Cont. reading for email to Mr. Dictionary.